I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
