We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
