I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
