He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
