is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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