Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize