You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
