so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
