Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

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(513): View more from Ohio

literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."

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(432): View more from Texas

I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church

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(805): View more from California

Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?

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