i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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