Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize