Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize