ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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