I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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