you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
