you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
