Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
