So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
