dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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