Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
