I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're too hungover to prance.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
