How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They took my balls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
there is glitter all over my balls
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