You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
