Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
