Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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