i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
two words: eviction party
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
