Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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