Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
