She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
