seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
