before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
