so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I look better un-naked...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
