it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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