She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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