video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize