1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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