you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
