Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
