I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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