They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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