I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
