I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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