I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
