fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize