If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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