I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
