So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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