He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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