screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
