i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So much rum. So many feels.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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