The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
