Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
