The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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