I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
