I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
