Me. At least after what I've been through.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
