my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
