Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
