Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
