Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
