We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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