why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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