i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
