so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
