I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
