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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
