You're completely useless in the revolution.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
