Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
