i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
