ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
