just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize