I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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