'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
