So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
