I want to walk on stilts...naked
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
