Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
