We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
