return my video game
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
