I just made out with a guy for $7.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
